We Are Back

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Waking up this morning as champeens is a feeling we could all get used to. Better than that, waking up having not lost another final feels even better. A departure from the house of pain into a holiday home of joy. Deploying a firm, fist-first approach, the Mayo do do do train has finally landed a national title and we’re ready for more.

Arriving into Croke Park yesterday afternoon on the back of a positive league campaign, we were still feeling guilty about leaving mam at home to listen into Angelina and co. on Midwest. Penance was served to us in the form of enduring the second-half of the mundane hurling final and the automated speeches that followed.

It was very fitting that Mayo’s hurling messiah and dear friend of Mayoareback, Fergal Boland, was the man to fist us off the scoring mark. Earmarked by ourselves a couple of seasons ago as THE ‘one-to-watch’, Fergie has become an important link-man between defence and attack this Spring. His summer could be fruitful so long as he doesn’t disappear again.

Although Mayo’s league campaign has been starved of COC, it has built a foundation of trust and belief in youth. Players like Boland, Ruane, McDonagh and Adny Mornan have been entrusted to take a chance whilst core senior players govern the key areas.

Having served him so well in previous finals, James Horgan adopted a man-for-man defence. Belmullet’s battling Barrett on big Tommy Walsh was the match-up that raised eyebrows but Chrissy stuck to him like dog shite on a shoe. The Partry sized hole in the centre of Mayo’s defence was evident in parts of the first half and this paved a highway for Kerry to blast two majors to the net.

While Kerry were hitting the net, we were jovially fisting it over the black spot from close range. A tactic which we here at Mayoareback absolutely love.

Debutant Jimmy Carr had the weight of a whole Parish on his shoulders and he struggled in the first half. When play resumed he showed that steel that can only be found in lads who reside north of Lough Conn and have modes of transport as surnames. Chalking on back-to-back points before he had a chance to write his name in the annals as Aidoxi picked him out with a 40-yard corker. However, his lack of experience told in front of goal; he really should have fisted it over.

As always, every great Mayo win has its roots in the much maligned Aidoxi. The Breaffy Mafia chief is certainly one of ‘Horan’s Men’ having played every minute of the league. His decision to replace his older brother with clubmate Matty Ruane has added spunk and girth to the Mayo midsection. Matty has also more than filled a Tom Parsons sized crevasse in the hearts of many a Mayo inbred. Wow, what a fine and fabyoulous guy.

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It was he who penetrated the Kerry rearguard to blast home in Fenton fashion. That goal lead the way for a high yielding second half including 1-2 from captain Doctor Diarmuid O’Cillian. As an elderly Mayo fan chimed, “who needs COC when you have DOC”. I think she was referring to the O’Connor brothers but in this day and age you can never assume.

The celebrations warmed the cockles of our green and red hearts. Seeing oar Mayo boyeens on the steps of Croke Park, each member lifting the cup, supporters with tears of a different kind, Mike Connelly joining a team photo whilst holding a steel box filled with New York tickets. These are the moments that we Mayo fans live for.

We believe this Meo team, now more than ever before, are back. They are ready to capture the Mother of all silverware and bring Sam home.

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Mayo’s stylish and fabulous young guys set to party under the Saturday Night Lights

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Fat Larry looks ahead to Mayo’s Round 4 Clash against Dublin and poses the question he poses himself every few hours: Is this oar year?

This weekend has been eagerly anticipated for the thousands of Mayo inbreds who are unfortunate to call the capital city of Dublin their Holme. Penciled in to many a Mayo GAA calendar for some time now, the green and red mist is ready to descend. Dublin based inbreds spend many hours in the Red and Green congo line to follow our boyeens around the country, but this weekend the party is coming to them.

Mayo head to the AIG Croke Park Dome for this Round 4 Allianz League clash in a rich vein of form. Very nice of the GAA to host the game in a neutral venue. Arguably, we have not seen Mayo play this well since the demolition jobs of Sligo and Donegal in 2015 under the stewardship of the legendary Mayo manger PatandNoel. Dublin have been uncharacteristically wasteful in the early stages of this league campaign and this inbred is extremely confident that that poor run of form is set to continue for a while yet.

This weekend’s fixture will be the first real test of some of our new fine, fabulous and stylish young goys who Boring James Horan has brought into his new Mayo panel. The performances of youngsters such as Diskin and McDonagh has been heartwarming. There has also been stellar displays by slightly older young lads such as Plunkett, Reape and Ruane. At 22 and 23 years of age respectively, these fabulous young fisters seem young due to their lack of experience in the Senior Jersey however, they are actually older than you think because they have been shafted on such an ongoing basis under Steph Rochford.

What you’re talking about here is a bunch of young guys who have won Mawn Arnold Medals and do not know how to lose. These young guys will be able to impart lots of knowledge and techniques on to guys such as David Clarke, David Drake and Adny Mornan who know how to lose very very well.

It will be interesting to see how Brian Reape fairs against Johnny Cooper, a man whom he knows well through his exploits with DCU. Cooper is known to fear the Reape ever since he moved in to his patch on the Northside of Dublin City. The man who is known as the ‘King’ of McGowans of Phibsborough will undoubtedly make his presence felt on Saturday evening and will look forward to some tasty pints after.

Despite our ongoing criticism, the loss of Captain Cinnial O’Diarmuid is without doubt a huge loss. Those who have stepped in to his shoes have performed admirably. Burrishoole’s heartthrob Jayson Dorothy has been on song in the opening rounds of the league but probably will not be asked to kick frees later in the year. The guy who has impressed the Mayoareback team most however in the early stages of the National League is our ‘One to Watch’ for 2019, Evan Regan lol. Sessions in ‘The Movement’ gym have definitely paid dividends for the man from Bannilna as he actually looks like he wants to get out in front of his man this year.

An old inbred once told me that Mayo would not win Sam without having big North Mayo Inbreds in pivotal positions. Yano, proper big rough inbreds. In Regan, Treacy, Clarke and our good pal Ger Caff, things are looking for the Stephenites. Throw in Ballycastle’s finest export Danny Fjord and you’ve got the makings of a great year to come. Add a Drake and a Crowe to the mix and we may just have ourselves a real All Ireland contender come August.

So what about this weekend’s clash in Croke Park? The game will throw up some very interesting match ups. People talk frequently about the level of professionalism and resources available to this Dublin team. This week’s battle of the cunty boards will be enthralling. I for one feel however in Goonan, Connelly and Co. we are very lucky in Mayo to have a really great group of men working hard behind the scenes swindling cash from the Mayo public to drive this Mayo Machine. We hear they’re making it a proper lads weekend out of their trip to the capital as the Congress plays a supporting role to the weekend’s games. Keeping James Horan happy is not an easy job but we feel these gentlemen are up to the task.

There is no doubt in our minds that if Mayo can go out and score more points and goals than the Dubs they have a great chance of claiming two more league points on Saturday. The ‘16th man’ is sure to have a big say in proceedings on the field in Croke Park and his ability to find his brother Aidan from the kickouts will be a key aspect to the first meeting of Mayo and Dublin in 2019, and we hope it will not be the last.

Mayo are indeed back folks and there’s little doubting the outcome on Saturday. For all the inbreds heading out in Dublin on Saturday night please be very very careful and don’t go holme before 6am.

Due respect and a hearty congratulations also to one of our best ever players, Keith Higgins who lines out for the 150th time this weekend. Keith is so good at football we never have the opportunity to criticize him which is probably a measure of what a great player he’s been for this county. Here’s hoping for many more to come but hopefully he wins an Mawn Arnold soon so he can pack it in.
Mayo Do Do Do.

 

 

HISTORIC Victory for Mayo in FBD League Opener

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Weigh Eo GAA FC began their FDB league cup campaign with a pulsating victory over minnows Leitrim at a packed pairc Seánín Mac Diarmadín on Sunday. Having drawn the initial game (Horan’s third consecutive draw as Mayo boss), Meo upped the ante and cruised to a comfortable 4-1 victory in the cic pionóis that followed. This sparked joyous scenes of celebration as the travelling fans had their wildest hopes and dreams realised by securing a seamie-filan place away to the Tribesmen in Tuam next weekend in what is being dubbed as Mayo’s biggest game of the year so far.

The first half of this game was lit up by ghouls from two of Mayoareback’s favourite inbreds. Fergal Boland and Brian Reape cemented their status as long term friends of the page by slotting fine, fabulous finishes in a frantic first half which saw oar boyeens trot in at half time with a seven point lead.

As anyone familiar with Coach Horan’s style will know, no matter how big the lead is, this Mayo side are going to lose it and this proved to be exactly the case in the second half. Mayoareback would suggest that the withdrawal of Gerard Cafferkey at the interval was probably the sole reason for this turnaround. We were more shocked to see the manger make this change for the first time in his career.

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The game was firmly in the melting pot when Leitrim had a man sent off in the final minutes. That same dismissed player went on to receive the ball from the next play and slot over the equalising score. This was the most revolutionary of all the new rules and one that we could use oarselves going forward, especially if we’re going to get the edge on the Dublin Warriors in Crook Park. Keeping all our 15 players on the field, even after one of them has been sent off (Donal), would surely clinch an all-arnold title.

With the clash finishing all-square, consternation followed as nobody had a clue what would happen next. Panic was quickly alleviated when Connaught council chief, John ‘Plenty Cash’ Prenty ruled that the game was going to be decided with spot kicks. He resisted the urge to schedule a cash cow replay for McHale park to boost the coffers for the season. Instead he opted to end the match on the day by pointing to the spot, completely ignoring the GAA rule book which legislates that 45metre frees be taken. The man simply knows how to entertain a crowd and the success of today’s ruling has inbreds calling for him to be elevated all the way to President of the GAA.

MAB have however, expressed our reservations at the fairness of said penalties. They really are a lottery and today’s result proved as cruel as any to Leitrim. There surely is a much fairer way of ending a game of this magnitude which leaves both sets of players and the paying fans satisfied beyond belief. We suggest that in future events of a tie, each team should select their five best fisters, who would take turns to fist the ball over from fifteen metres. After this, if no winner has emerged, the remaining players could fist in a sudden death fashion in order to determine a winner. It’s just an idea guys, and I mean, yano, in an era where the GAA can change the rules willy-nilly, we would like to see oar suggestions given due respect when they are discussed at the upcoming congress.

Either way, the story of the day is that the men from Westport Mayo, playing in that familiar ‘Mayo Way’ have secured safe passage through to Tuam for an All-Ireland FDB league championship seamie-filan against near neighbours and fierce rivals Galway. The green above the red will be looking for their first win over the Tribesmen in 42 months. Who knows what shocks that game will have in store for oar boyeens. Until then, Mayo do do do.

2019 FBD League Preview

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The first week in January means a lot of things to a lot of people. For some, it is a time to take stock of the past year and measure how far they’ve come. Others use this week as a time to set goals and make resolutions for the future. At Mayoareback, this week means only one thing; the return of the DBF league.

The DFB league is a competition which holds a dear place in the hearts of all true Mayobreds. It is a time of hope and great expectation. It is a time to try out new things and to blood some fresh young stars. The old rivalries of the club season are long since forgotten and the vitriol directed at the manger has stopped because he/they have usually been sacked.

This year’s BBD league is the first of its kind. In one of the GAA’s most extraordinary rule changes ever, the powers that be have decided to make the 2019 renewal a straight knockout format championship style cup…and boy are we looking forward to it. It is high time that the competition was changed and the stakes were raised. Moving from meaningless league to a Russian roulette style torture chamber of winter football. Elevating this tournament to championship status was one of the best decisions ever made by our Connaught council chiefs. Hat-tip to oar all-seeing overlord, Johnathan Prenty.

One thing that we must comment on however is the complete lack of due respect that is being shown to the Weigh Eo patrons. Some of oar best and brightest fans have never been to a football match in their lives and they certainly won’t be going to a wet and windy Pairc Sean Mac Diarmada this weekend. These fans will be robbed the chance of seeing their Meo heroes in action as this game is not being shown on free-to-air television. Sky Sports and the globalised commercialisation of the GAA has to be blamed and we think the organisation has to take a long, hard look at themselves and realise what they are doing to the common inbreds at grass roots level.

Another absolute farcical disgrace that springs to mind is the exclusion of the colleges from this competition. For years, drunk and belligerent students (many of whom were from the cunty of oar birth) represented their colleges with great distinction – from the hallowed turf of Fr. Flanagan park Bannilrobe, right up to Father Eneas O’Hara Park in Charlestown. These young scholars and their teammates who will be missed as sorely as Mayo have missed a solid fullback since David Heaney retired. We would urge the crooked maniacs at the top to revisit this strategy and welcome back the likes of ‘University of Castlebar’ ‘Aghamore Institute of Technology’ and of course ‘FETAC level 5 Westport’.

We can give out about these issues for as long as we like but alas, it is out of our control. What can we do instead? Well, I suppose we can do what we always do do do – ramp up an extreme amount of fanfare and begin to pile monstrous pressure on the shoulders of the young lads who are debuting. In particular, we will be looking to run our keen eye over Conor’s Dikskin. He will be jostling for position inside with our dear friend, Brain Reape and Adny Mornan’s latest cousin to make the panel – Colm.

(Pictured above is Conor Dikskin, about to do some damage)

Do these fine, fine, fabulous, young guys have the stuff to get past Leitrim in round one? Could they skilfully navigate their way through the seamie filan? Could they potentially find themselves with it all to play for in a GDB league championship cup filan on January 20th? We certainly hope so. If they don’t, we will be immediately calling for the pressure to be ramped up on manger James Horan and we know what the players are likely to do in that case…most of them still have keys cut for their secret meetings in Ballyheane clubhouse.

With merely days to go to the big game, we are salivating at the thought of seeing the ‘Mayo Way’ style being fleshed out against Leitrim. However, this is a results based business and it is without doubt a ‘must-win’ game for Coach Horan’s men. In a poll conducted on our twitter, we saw that the overwhelming majority of Mayo’s inbred population would rather see them win this competition than the All-Arnold and we have to say we absolutely agree. Should they do so, they will have won over the fans and secured their love and support for the upcoming season. We cannot underestimate the seriousness of the clash with Leitrim, it is undoubtedly the most important game of 2019 so far.

3 Things To Look Out For In The Qualifers

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The Connaught Championship has come and gone again for Mayo, and TG for that. If we’ve learned anything from recent seasons gone by it’s that the long way around is much better craic.

Who wants to go on a tame weekend away with the missus in Markievicz Park, playing it safe, when you can have a saucy affair with a sexy blonde in Omagh or the Gaelic Grounds, knowing one slip up would be the end.

As our Mayo boys take the scenic route, we’ve identified three things to look out for:

1. Mayo’s home performances

One could argue that Mayo’s performances in McEverlys Hale Park in Castlebar have been consistent. Consistently playing with no drive and ambition that is. Silencing the home crowd early on aside from a few lacklustre ‘Mayo Mayo Mayo’ chants (don’t get me started), we have managed a whopping 2 wins and 1 draw in the last 10 league and championship games played in Castlebar. Disgarce.

Why? As pointed out by mayoareback guru, JP Kilgallon, on our latest podcast, this is all a ploy controlled by the Mayo cunty broad.  Mike Connelly and co have teamed up with Deputy Michael Ring and Deputy Anol Dinnol to manufacture a holiday package that away teams simply cannot resist. The package includes a nights stay in Breaffy House Hotel, steaming hot yoga class with Neil Douglas in the Movement Gym, and a free overly pretentious coffee from Cafe Rua. But the big seller is that a win in McHale Park is guaranteed for the visitors.

2. Introduction of the sweeper keeper

Gone is the day that players could fist pass the ball into the net. We’re now in the age of black cards, joint-mangers, super 8s, blankets and sweepers. Now introducing the latest fad in the GAA; sweeper keepers. The strategy is simple, play an outfield player in goals so they can join in with attacks when required. If you’re a team like Mayo who keeps getting players sent off, this tactic might fill the void left outfield.

As it’s well noted, David Clarke is the best goalkeeper to ever play in goans. However, his old age and awkward Garda stride make him a poor choice for oar sweeper keeper. The team’s 16th man, Robbie Hanelly, would be a great option if it weren’t for the county’s inbreds hatred of him. “Perhaps Matthew Flanagan?”, I hear you ask. Don’t be silly, we can’t have someone from Balla on the team.

What most fans don’t know is that there is a former Irish international goalkeeper in our midst and that’s who our nomination is; Castlebarn Minstrels man, Danny Kriby. Fresh from his foursome of goals in the 2012 FBD League against GMIT, Kriby is primed for this daring role.

3. Caff’s Calling

If there’s one thing we hate its disrespect. Gerrard Caff has served Mayo well and has been a mainstay on this team over the past decade. The way he has been treated by fans and mangers alike over the past few months has been nothing short of disgraceful. He has gone from being a mainstay on the playing field to a mainstay on Rochies dummy team sheet.

Rochford isn’t afraid of making big, bold, and more often than not, bad decisions. In this hot summer sun, we expect Chef Steph to bust out his brand new BBQ grill and serve up another one of his specials for the Quafiliars. We’ve seen him use Caff as a thinly veiled guise on team sheets but don’t be surprised to see Rochie rebirth the Banilla Reganites man as he looks set to make his 100th appearance for Mayo. Who knows, we could see the captains armband make it’s way onto Gerrard’s bicep this summer.

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Meyo versus Tyrone: An Afterthought

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If last week’s performance against Kildare proved that Mayo had blown the cobwebs off for 2018, today’s drab display against Tyrone was proof that the cobwebs have been firmly put back on. We assume that today’s game was a tactical masterstroke from Steph and co, who will rally and attempt to once again blow the previously mentioned cobwebs off in next weeks do or don’t clash against Donegal.

Mayo were dealt a series of serious blows in a first half blow out that was dominated by Tyrone. They lost Captain O’Cillian and Neil Keegan to injury, Sergeant Colin Boyle was red carded for two yellow card offences and last year’s player of the year Adny Mornan received his marching orders for rightly calling referee Maurice Deegan a ‘Meath Coward’. The severity of losing four of Mayo’s Awn Stars sent coach Rochy into a state of shock. Collapsing on the sideline, he required urgent attention. Thanks to the Order of Malta and Beebumble for their swift response time.

He had to have a cup of tea, two jaffa cakes and five jelly babies before he was revitalised enough to issue what we can only assume was a truly riveting halftime pep talk. In what was undoubtedly a game of two halves, Mayo put the first half to bed by playing significantly worse in the second.

The main issues we identified were their shooting, passing and general footballing abilities. Mayo were so void and hopeless in the middle of the field, they would have been as well off starting Julian’s of Midfileld in midfield. The Treanlaur catering man would have equipped himself better than most on this cold day in pairc Elverys Mac Éil pitch. As the game reached it’s climax, Crossmolina starlet Conroy Loftus had the chance to narrow the gap to a mere nine point defeat when he placed the ball on the spot for a penalty kick. The pressure of the occasion may have gotten to the young man but overall, we think that he took the right option by coolly soccer styling the ball wide past the post. It was the horrible icing on top of a truly disgusting Mayo cake.

One aspect of today’s game that is worth noting is the selection of musical entertainment played over the loudspeakers at half time. DJ ‘Moneybags’ Goonan blasted out a plethora of financial themed hits like ‘Bills’ by LunchMoney Lewis, ‘Money, Money, Money’ by ABBA and ‘Mo Money, Mo Problems’ by The Notorious B.I.G. These songs proved to be a nice reminder of what is to come this season for empty-pocketed Mayo patrons who bankroll the cunty broad year in and year out.

If any positives could be taken from today’s encounter, it was that we now must win oar last remaining league clash against Donegal. TBTG that game is away from home which gives us a genuine chance for survival. Obviously, we don’t perform well in matches that don’t matter but if there’s one thing that we know about this Mayo team, it is that when the chips are down and they have to produce the goods, they always come through for us and win those games in style.*

*Apart from all-arnold filans of course.

Fat Larry Meets: Neil Douglas

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“I always felt that I was playing too well at club level to play for the county team.”

This week, our Fat Larry swings from monkey bars with Castlebar Mitchels and Mayo Heartthrob Neil Douglas in The Movement gym. Neil is also a dear, dear friend of the page.

The Spring of 2011 was a great time to be a Mayo Fan. Boring James Horan had just been appointed Mayo Manger. Mayo had not one but two Feeney brothers in the Mayo Senior Team and ConMort was out of favour. But above all else, anticipation was palpable at the prospect of Mayo unearthing their first marquee forward since Jinking Joe Corcoran kicked them from the forty and missed very few. Inbreds countywide were placing their Sam McGuire ambitions on the slight shoulders of Niall Douglas.

Fast forward seven long barren unsuccessful years. The most unsuccessful boring period in Mayo GAA history under Horan came and went. A broken Homelly marriage followed soon after. Mangers change frequently but one constant factor remained; Doggie still could not break down the door and make a name for himself on the inter-county scene.

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“I always felt that I was playing too well at club level to play for the county team”, explains Dougie as he smells some flowers while doing some light morning meditation.

“During those years, there were a lot of BTubber lads in the squad who were jealous of how good the Migens had become. I roasted a couple of lads really badly in club games and the last thing they needed was for me to be doing the same on a weekly basis in training. So I suppose Horan protected them from that.”

Most players in Neil’s position would not have waited for the call to come and thrown in the proverbial towel. Comparisons have been made between himself and Jason Biggons. Both men have led their clubs to Moclair titles, picking up numerous Club Star awards along the way. They have also hung around the county squad for many years waiting for their big shot to arrive, the only difference is Jason’s will probably never come.

So what drove on the nippy and hippy corner forward?

“The biggest influence on my career would have to be Bat Holmes. Wow, what a manger he was. I was so lucky to have worked underneath Pat with the Migens for nearly four consecutive years.”

As you can imagine, working with the Moygownagh mastermind for that long would have a devastating affect on anyone’s physical and emotional wellbeing. But Dougie found solace in Pat’s teaching methods. So much so, that Neil travelled to north Mayo and spent several months in Moygownagh practising the ways of Holmes.

“Oh, that 2015 season under Pat and Noles was really magic. I just could not resist being part of that crazy party of a year. We did not win Sam that year, but at least we had a bit more craic than we ever did under Horan.”

Douglas sits up from his organically sourced yoga mat and smiles, “This one time instead of training, Pat hired a water slide and loads of water guns and we had a class time running and playing around on the Josie Munnelly Pitch in MacHale Park. Good times.”

The 27-year-old feels that this year is different for him. “It’s time to throw the shackles off. I’ve always preferred doing it Doggie style. I’ve always seen myself as a free spirit. I like to do things my way.”

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Douglie has been a long-time critic of the GAA’s treatment of inter-county players. “The commitment being required of county players is nothing short of scandalous. Some of our players spend 30 hours a week travelling to training. I’m no different. My commute to training is very challenging. The pedestrian crossing on the N5 Ring Road is cuntish. I much preferred when I used to work in the Cunty Board’s offices swindling cash from club secretaries. I’ll have to take stock and see if there is any other alternative for me going forward.”

Juggling work and inter-county football can often be difficult. Dougie along with Adny Mornan’s wife’s brother have two mangers they need to answer to within the Mayo Team.

“Adny is a fabulous guy. He is, without doubt, my favourite manger. Adny has rarely dropped me from the team here at The Movement which is a welcome change.”

“To be honest, I see myself as the best coach here at the gym. Everything that I learned up in Moygownagh has been brought into the whole ethos of the gym. From themed spinning classes and meditation to eating psychedelic mushies. At the moment, three coaches at the gym play for Mayo and I’d say before long, Andy will have all of us on the squad. It’s only a matter of time really.”

It’s also only a matter of time before we find out if Douglas is ready to step up and take Sam west.

This week’s Fat Larry Meets was brought to you by The Movement gym, Castlebar.

 

5 Things To Be Furious About Ahead Of The Allianz NFL

On the eve of the beginning of Mayo’s Allianz National League series, we unexpect the expected. Mayoareback analyst and guru, TJ Finnerty, looks at the top five things Mayo fans should be absolutely fuming about ahead of our make-or-break clash with Monaghan.

1. Adny Mornan dropped.

Meyo’s all-time footballer of the year from last season and Movement enthusiast, Adny Mornan, has been dropped from the starting squad ahead of the of the Monaghan match. I would like to have been a fly on the wall when Rochy told Adny where he could go for the upcoming season. Overall, I think this is an extremely positive and ambitious move by our manger as he bids to open up the full forward line to players with more youthful exuberance. Maybe Owen Regan or Conor Loftits can be unearthed as a marquee forward for the upcoming season and give us the solidity and scoring power we have craved since Con Mort hung up his boots and his ‘RIP Micheál Jackson’ undershirt.

2. Gerald Cafferkey and John Gibbons forced out of retirement.

What next? An Anal Dinnol comeback? Rochy has regressed by choosing two players straight off of the Maigh Eo GAA scrap heap. Keiran Donaghy’s armrest, AKA GerCaff, has been recalled to refill Mayo’s gaping full back hole. Banniltubber’s John Gibbons gets handed yet another opportunity to fall short on potential and is selected in the absence of Breaghwy’s Semi O’Sheamus. I think that this is an absolute disgrace. However, we would like to wish Semi a speedy recovery from the kneecap injury which keeps him out of competitive football every year until May.

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3. No Garrymoran players starting.

Sinead Nally, Sheryl Crowe and youngster Jamie Barley have donned the green above the red with distinction during this years DBF Connaught championship league campaign. They have had their performances rewarded by being completely and totally exiled from the panel. It breaks my heart to see these fine young men from the heartland of Mayo being left out. Shnally’s 2-point performances have been one of the most special sights in football over the last 12 months while sources inform us that Crowe is, as expected, flying in training by all accounts. It is for these reasons that we think young Rocky has missed a trick and could live to regret the non-inclusion of these three Garrymore muskateers.

4. Keith Higgins choosing hurling over football this season.

When he finished laughing at Tooreen losing their All-Arnold seamie filan, Ceit
O’Higín set his personal goals on finally winning a national title. His hunger for national attention is at all time high since Hollymore Carramount stud Stephen Coen took over as Bank of Ireland’s sexiest man, an accolade previously dominated by Kiggins. Having weighed up his options, Zippy has opted to focus solely on hurling this year. He believes he can bring his holme club of Ballyhappiness all the way to All-Arnold glory this season. As well as this he bids to end Mayo’s Christy Ring drought, a long and arduous task that begins on Sunday with Mayo’s opening NHL game against Donegal.

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5. No rekindling of Aidnan’s flame.

Maintaining a Division 1 status for both Mayo and Monaghan is not the main talking point of this Sudnay’s clash. The hot topic on everyone’s mind is whether or not we will get to check-in on the bromance that captured our hearts in 2017. Aidnan and Conor Mc Anus shared everything during an unforgettable three weeks of travelling down under and playful fun in the sun. Thankfully, we got to live every moment with them as it was heavily documented on Instagram and other social meedja platforms. Unfortunately, with Mansy being left out of Sunday’s clash, Aidoxi will now be forced to roam the field without relying on his Monaghan sweetheart. Hopefully when all is said and done on Sunday afternoon, they can hook up with each other for a bit of a laugh and a few lovely photos in Rua. Which as Bernard O’Flynn rightly suggested, is the biggest No.5 disgarce of them all.

MAB Exclusive: Mayo GAA Turn to Henry Coyle in Hour of Need

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Western Warrior and West Mayo redder, Henry Coyle

Stephen Raunchford has moved quickly to turn Mayo’s disastrous season around by making a surprising addition to his backroom team. Following the shambolic displays on show so far from Mayo, this comes as no surprise. There have been calls from the wider Mayo GAA circle for Rochy to make a drastic change in an attempt to save Mayo’s season.

Mayoareback’s TJ Finnerty can exclusively confirm, ahead of all of the other shoddy media outlets who cover Mayo GAA, that the higher echelons of the cunty board have swooped for former WBDFFF World Super Welterweight Boxing Champeeen Henry Coyle. Hailing from the Land of the Salty Breeze, the man they call ‘The Western Warrior’ will join up with the squad later this month.

Rochford confirmed to Mayoareback that Coyle would be joining the 2018 senior set-up as a ‘Fisting Coach’. “Listen you know, come here, look yano after the 2017 loss to the AIG Dublin Dynamos, myself and my mangership sat down with each other in Mace and Supermacs in Ballinalack to formulate a plan of action for the 2018 season. I had three cheeseburger meals and a hot chocolate muffin with ice cream. Tony McEntee had some taco fries and Donie Buckley had iceberg lettuce and a bowl of water. We assessed where things went well for us in 2017. The area that we felt we excelled in was the art of fisting.”

Rochy continued, “We felt the need to maximise our strengths to their fullest in the 2018 season. Fisting is something that we feel we are very good at, but we are confident that Henry will bring these skills to a whole new level.”

Above all else, Rochford will be hoping Coyle can bring the fight to oar ageing squad. “Henry is a natural fit for this Mayo set-up. He’s one of the biggest redders I know”, declared Steph as he began unbuttoning his famous Mayo gilet.

The stats really do not lie. This Mayo team are without question the market leaders nationally when it comes to fisting, both with the open fist and with the smashing fist in recent years.

“Mayo certainly are the most superior fisters in the game today”, stated Kimmy Jilleen of the Mayoareback stats department. Following further investigation, we discovered the following results:

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“We as a management team have felt a lot of pressure from the Mayo players during the off-season. We felt that our jobs would be at risk if we did not move to freshen up the mangement team for 2018. We all know what has happened in the past”, declared Steph.

Mayo fans are sure to be frothing at the sight of this new appointment. However, it remains to be seen if the appointment is a case of ‘too little, too late’. Mayo have made a disastrous opening to the season. The Holy Grail, the AXA insurance League has once again eluded us and Mayo will now have to wait until 2019 to end the curse.

Mayoareback recently met up with the Doohoma Destroyer in Bellacorrick to discuss his exciting new role. “I want this Meyo team to cut through their opponents like A Salty Breeze, just as I did in my career as a Pro Boxer, which is not over FYI. I feel I am a good fit for this Meyo team. I am a proud friend of Meyo just like Rochy and the players. This Meyo team has taken its fair share of punishment over the years, just as I have in my boxing career. I am a legendary Mayo fister and I feel that I can make a big impact on this Meyo team.”

It is fair to suggest that Mayoareback have a hate/hate relationship with the cunty board. Although on this occasion, we have to tip oar red and green caps to Connelly, Goonan and Co. on getting their dirty fingers out of the money bags and putting the players first for once.

As Henry Coyle enthusiasts, we are very excited at the prospect of Mayo excelling once again with the fist. Who could ever forget the day that Randy Moran and Doctor Conor O’Diarmuid fisted the ball into the Kerry sack in the All Arnold semi-final? We can be certain of similar scenes in 2018 thanks to The Western Warrior.

“It is great to have another Kiltane man back in the Mayo panel. Things have not been the same since Kiltane sharpshooter Micky was dropped. Remember that time he was let off the leash only to be blocked down at the end of the 2015 semi-final against Dublin”, stated Connacht GAA crook John Prenty for no reason.

2018 FBD League: Review

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Mayo face Sligo next week to close out their 2018 FBD League Championship Cup. We’ve entitled this article oar 2018 FBD League Review as the match against the Yeatsmen is nothing more than a dead rubber. This won’t be your run-of-the-mill pre-season match review. I’m sure journalists from the Mayo People Telegraph News will fill their inches with “oh these young lads put in a great performance given the conditions” and “oh sure it’s only January, once the big stars return we’ll be grand again, ha?”. There won’t be any of that sugar-coating here. “I love Mayo and I am a dear friend of Mayo. But enough is enough“, writes Mayoareback‘s podcast contributor, JP.

Throughout this long campaign, Mayo’s harrowing inability to outscore their opponents has come to the fore. We faced three games in five days in conditions that can only be described as cuntish. However, they were cuntish for both teams.

Points were shared with Leitrim on Wednesday night thanks to a last-gasp flying fisted goal. Beaten at oar own game. Pathetic, tbh.

Friday night’s disgarceful loss to a 12-man Galway side was a shambolic farce. Failing to score for over 20 minutes is bad on any day, but when you literally have 3 more players than the opposition and you can’t threaten the goal, it’s simply degrading. An anal horribilis if you will.

Then, we plodded along to Dr. Hyde Park to face the Razzies. You’d think there’d be fire in the bellies of oar boyeens. But, no. They take a 3 point hammering which spells the end of another wasted DBF League campaign.

So, what positives can we take from this bleak period? Two words: Rochford Out. I love Mayo and am a dear friend of Mayo. But enough is enough. Just look at the facts.

Mayo haven’t beaten Galway since 14th June 2015. There are Galway players who have never lost to Mayo. More sickening than anything else, we now have a manger who has failed to defeat the tribesmen on 3 attempts.

“Steph Rashfrod has no plan. He’s ready for the mangement scrapyard”

– disgruntled Mayo fan leaving McEleverys Pairc on Friday night

Personally, I feel that over the last two years, Rochy has got nowhere with a fully fit championship squad. That is why I am calling on the current Maigh Eo DBF League squad to table a vote of no confidence.

I am calling out every peripheral player on the squad. It’s time for the likes of James Stressond, Fionn McDonagh-Clarkes-and-Roaches, and Hall&Oates to show leadership beyond their years. Start by booking the voting centre in Ballyheane. Ask one of the Breaffy lads for the number.

Peter Naughton, Patsy O’Malley, Ciaran Treacy and co., you won’t be remembered for the football you play in January. If you truly believe you can etch your name into the annals of Mayo GAA folklore, it’s time to grow a pair and vote.

The so-called stars have had their time. And that time is up. Now is the time for new leaders to step out from the shadows of yesterday’s has-beens. The deadwood must go. Total uproot and restructure. I’m talking about mangement, backroom team, physios, coaches, kitmen and kitwomen. Out with the lot of them.

I suggest for voting to take place early this week. The sun-drenched, Mayolasian golden brown tan won’t have even faded from the facades of 2017’s squad.

The DBF squad could train and mange themselves in the absence of Rochy and et al or even invite Homelly back in for another crack at it. What a beautiful irony that would be. At least they could beat Galway.

It’s time for action.